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01

May

We Learn Through History

One of life’s simplest pleasures is sifting through the words we once found important enough to write down: friendly notes, love letters, blog posts (hey, future me!), and the jackpot… old journals. If read correctly, ignoring the weekly personality changes and epiphanies, a lot of life lessons can be found amidst the babble.

I uncovered my ratty old journal yesterday. 

Life Lessons Learned: Entries Written Summer After High School Graduation

  1. Go ahead, live life like an Indiana Jones/Penny Lane love child. 
    Excerpt: "We’ve been having the most amazing adventures lately." 
  2. But keep your head on straight. 
    Excerpt: "He asked me to run away with him to the mushroom farm in Oregon. I had to turn down that invitation."

Life Lessons Learned: Entries Written Summer After Freshman Year of College

  1. Hermiting is healthy. Vicodin makes me bitchy. 
    Excerpt: "Luckily, I can use my post-wisdom-teeth puffy cheeks to justify my sudden introversion. No, I don’t want to hang.
  2. Be a good listener.  
    Excerpt: "I know way too much about everybody. I used to think people just always told me things about themselves, but now I think being nosy also has something to do with it."  

Life Lessons Learned: Entries Written Sophomore Year

  1. Life is weird. 
    Excerpt (actually, the only three words written the whole year): "Things are weird."  

Life Lessons Learned: Entries Written During a Semester Away from Home

  1. Life changes. 
    Excerpt: "I’m really glad I’m here."  

18

Mar

Mom Was Right: Don't walk alone at night, or bus stop conversations like this will ensue

Girl Sitting Next to Me:
*Watching me dig in my purse* Do you have a gun?
Me:
No, this is my phone I'm clutching desperately. I'm waiting for a call.
Girl Sitting Next to Me:
How old are you? You look really young.
Me:
23, and thanks I guess?
Girl Sitting Next to Me:
It's cute. Do you wanna kick it with me? (Here's where I should have probably taken the cue to leave... or understood what she was hinting at.)
Me:
Sure. We're already sitting next to each other, talking, both waiting for busses. (Just a small town girl living in an innocent world.)
Girl Sitting Next to Me:
Cool. You don't find cute bi girls that often.
Me:
Uh... I'm not.
Girl Sitting Next to Me:
Me neither, but you're still cute. Do you have a boyfriend?
Me:
(So earnest!) No.
Girl Sitting Next to Me:
You should kick it with my brother. He'd like you. He's sitting on the other side of you. (Here's where I notice that a man has suddenly seated himself inches away from me.)
Me:
No thanks. I don't want a boyfriend. *Scurry away to the bus stop outside the piano bar, where the only people I'll run into are drunk, lost, college girls.*

12

Dec

Resolutions

I’m starting early. 

Simplified resolution: Speak my mind more often. 

Actual resolution: Speak my mind more often. Don’t dwell/obsess/hermit when the response I get isn’t the elaborate dream I worked out in my head. 

If goals prove too lofty, listen to angsty pop-punk music on repeat. (Sorry I’m not sorry.) 

26

Nov

Sure, I have a “type”:
Tall, dark, and handsome
with a Peter Pan complex

Even cliche single lady gripes sound more interesting in Haiku form.

15

Nov

10 plays

My first New Year New Lady goal: embrace the word “lover.”

George Harrison is one of the few men I’ve heard use it to describe a woman and sound completely genuine, but I’m certainly not above letting a few fine gentlemen test the term out for comparison. 

08

Nov

Spambot Sage

The daily process of approving or denying comments on my office blog brings the usual deletion of Cialis testimonials, porn keywords and UGG boot scams, but every now and then some of the spam gibberish can be surprisingly insightful.

Today’s deep thoughts from the Internet:

"Sometimes things are not working as forecasted, that is life…" —Eli 

"We constantly wish to display the uniqueness of our character by attempting something pleasant and attractive." —Richaeluly

"Have a good purse, let oneself feel more attractive." —Quirlavgt

28

Oct

Coming soon: Vol. 2: Lovers I Had and Tolerated (I would feel v. Bridget Jones-y with this journal.) 

Coming soon: Vol. 2: Lovers I Had and Tolerated (I would feel v. Bridget Jones-y with this journal.) 

12

Oct

How To Become a Cat Lady Without Owning a Cat Pt. 2: Constantly (and only) reblog things like this. Hope people think you’re both retro trendy and feline friendly.

How To Become a Cat Lady Without Owning a Cat Pt. 2: Constantly (and only) reblog things like this. Hope people think you’re both retro trendy and feline friendly.

05

Sep

It’s Labor Day.









We all had funny childhood dreams for our future, and parents love to recall the big plans we had to grow up to be firefighters or doctors or Applebees waitresses. In honor of Labor Day, a quick remembrance of the careers I aspired to have:

A farmer. Sharing the acres with my cousins. I would tend the garden while the rest of them took care of the animals and crops. My little sister refused to join us though, and said she’d rather put on her tutu and head into town to be the local ballerina. Smart girl. (Dream from age 5-7).

A lawer/diner owner. That’s right. I was going to practice law out of my restaurant. Quaint, right? (Dream from age 9-far too old).

A high school English teacher. This one still seems like a possibility. (Dream from age 15-17, and again during a few mini life crises during college).

A writer for Vanity Fair. Think of all the 5000 word celebrity interviews I could write! (Dream for most of college, even after a totally “meh” magazine internship.)

To be honest, I have just as many crazy/big/out-of-the-ordinary plans for my future right now. I’m just not ready to write them off as “ones that got away” quite yet.

Happy Labor Day, ‘Mericuh!