How to Accidentally Audition for a Runway Fashion Show
1. Walk by Juut salon in Uptown. Notice a sign in the window looking for people with long hair to be up-do models. Scoff at it until you notice that compensation is 500 DOLLARS, which is basically the equivalent of your yearly salary.
2. Think to yourself “I have long hair!!”
3. Contemplate how many cheap Forever 21 sundresses you could buy with $500.
4. Swinging your long, shiny, recently-washed hair, prance semi-confidently into the salon and ask where the hair model auditions are being held.
5. Beam at the lovely front desk man who tells you you’re a “perfect candidate”! Give him your bag and coat and prance even more confidently up the stairs to the audition room.
6. Step through the doors into a dark room with strobe lights and techno music blasting.
7. Stare horrifiedly at the woman who asks you if you’re there for the runway show audition.
8. Look around the room and notice that you’re the only woman there under six feet. And the only one not wearing stilettos.
9. Think to yourself “fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck”.
10. Realize that you already gave your bag and coat to the guy at the front desk, and then realize that there’s really no way out of the room.
11. Have one of the first big fight or flight moments in your life thus far.
12. Think about your favorite inspirational video of a little girl trying to do a cartwheel. Repeat NOT AFRAID. NOT AFRAID. to yourself.
13. DECIDE TO FIGHT!
14. Cautiously tiptoe up to the runway in your old, scuffed-up, orange moccasins and peasant top and take a deep breath.
15. Walk up and down the runway twice, giving it 35% of your fierce all the first time, and about 70% the second time.
16. Be very, very aware of the fashionistas filming your runway movez to analyze more in-depth later.
17. Finish. Almost run for the door in relief.
18. Get rewarded for your embarrassing efforts with a gift certificate for a 60 minute massage!
19. Try very, very hard to repress the fact that footage of your painfully awkward runway audition exists somewhere in Minneapolis.