This past weekend gave me the luxury of sprawling out on my parents’ couch in suburbia in dog-cuddling, napping, bliss. In addition to this high level of productivity, I was able to finally do some leisure reading. During my print soaked haze, I had a strange dream (cue wavey flash back lines and some 90’s sitcom soundtrack), and though usually I detest people sharing their dreams with me…well, I am the exception to all of my own rules. Without much further adieau I would like to present my dream, If You Went to High School with Punctuation Marks.

* Asterisk: Oh Asterisk, way too perky and always calling attention to yourself.  This is the valedictorian of your high school class. This is the person who, even though the bell just rang, was still asking your Chemistry teacher questions about the extra credit assignment. The asterisk, forcing you to drag your eyes down to the bottom of the page and do extra work for your reading, much like your friend the valedictorian and over-achiever. Both causing you more work, than you ever asked for, although in the long run it will probably be beneficial for you.

[] Square Brackets and Definite Brackets {}: These are those twins you went to high school with. You know the ones that nobody could really tell apart unless they were next to each other. Nobody can ever really remember their names, so one gets labeled “the cute one” and the other gets labeled “the not cute one” (or if you’re feeling particularly acidic you just go for the gold with “the ugly one”). Eventually one of them gets sick of nobody being able to tell them apart, and gets an eyebrow piercing or shaves their head. Nice try Bracket twin, we still don’t care.

! Exclamation Marks: You knew they’d show up at some point…cheerleaders. Tall, skinny, and always trying to get people “revved up”. Especially annoying when they come in multiples!!!! Used sparingly they can be tolerated, but for the majority of the time they are generally overrated and not necessary. (I know, I know. I decided to wear my bitter “I-Was-Fat-In-Highschool” heart on my sleeve today.)

? Question Mark: The high school druggie. Not really a druggie but just a kid that smokes a lot of weed, and takes themselves very seriously when they’re high. Always asking deep and introspective questions about themselves, the universe, but occasionally something simpler like, “Is there any Cheez Whiz left?”

’ Apostrophe: The crazy possesive best friend to S. S is cool, sleek, and a little sexy. Apostrophe is not. Everyone always wants S to come along for the ride, join the party, make things a little more exciting. Then there is Apostrophe; short, trying to peek over the shoulder of S, and always getting in the middle. Just back off Apostrophe, ok? Are you like obsessed with S or something? Careful, or the other punctuation marks will start spreading rumors Regina George style…

~ Tilde: The foreign exchange student. Tilde isn’t really attractive, but due to his exotic name and accent, he gets a lot of action during his year abroad. Especially popular with the students in Spanish 101, who “just want to speak like native speakers.”

% Percentage Sign: Poor Percentage Sign, so divided and with so many feelings. However too bad because SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.

At this point, you’re probably wondering why I haven’t mentioned Comma or Period, but they’re just the standards in high school. You see them around all of the time. They are relatively stable and reliable. They own more than one American Eagle polo, and leave the house in the morning with too much Abercrombie Fierce on. Not necessarily huge contributers, but it wouldn’t be the same without them.